81
CHEVY MALIBU
two-tone blue "Landau Edition"- whatever that
meant
First car. Rocked. Fun. Bought it off my grandmother. Had a factory CB.
Once caught air driving it dangerously fast through a self-serve car wash
bay. Not recommended behaviour. Dislodged the oil pan on an icey offramp
one winter and couldn't afford repairs. PICTURED: A
local Haverhill, MA homosexual, circa 1996?
91
OLDSMOBILE CUTLASS CIERA
silver
The boringest car I've ever inherited. So boring I sat here
for like, ten minutes while typing this trying to remember what the
name of the model was. Transmission dropped the week after I sold it.
This car was so gay I never even bothered taking a picture of it.
69
FORD MUSTANG
primer
gray w/ blacked-out chrome
V8.
Bought it before I ever knew anything about cars. I did not learn anything
about cars while I owned it. I did not own like, ANY tools. Never heard
it turn over. Got the electrical system going, though. I used to sit
in my mom's garage and turn the headlights on. Large gaping holes in
the floor, hood filled with sand. When I finally moved out of my mom's,
it ended up getting it flatbedded away - presumed crushed. PICTURED:
This is exactly how it looked the entire time I owned it.
89
CHEVY CELEBRITY
silver and rust. "Eurosport"
WHOOOOOO!!!! Big rust hole on the trunk, rusted undercarriage.
Power steering didn't work. Power locks didn't work. Pretty much power
everything didn't work. Drove it to the junkyard when I finally got
the '66 on the road. Well, specifically, I had to get the '66 on the
road because I had to drive the Celebrity to the junkyard. I always
sort of liked how this car looked, though. Interesting stage in car
design between "boxy" and "bubble-shaped". PICTURED:
Weird. This is the only picture I have of that car, and I owned it for
forever. Who's that chick?
66
FORD MUSTANG
(current)
mostly red. spraypaint.
Pride of the fleet. Burns oil like a fleeing Iraqi. Will soon rot away
completely. See this page for
a plethora of useless information about this particular POS. PICTURED:
The only picture where that car looks anything like "shiny".
It must have just rained. I don't know who the lesbian couple in front
of it is.
01
FORD FOCUS WAGON (current)
Blue. French Blue, apparently.
Helped my girlfriend buy a "new" car. I'm creeped out by the
automatic-everything, but I had forgotten the luxurious feeling of turning
the steering wheel with one hand and having the car stop when you put
your foot on the brake pedal. And what's this? Wipers with different
speeds? I feel faint....