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| TV REVIEW: HEAT VISION AND JACK (1999) |
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Normally, I think plot explanation wears a little thin in reviews. Just sort of a space filler when you probably already know the plot, or you adamantly DON'T want to know the plot. Personally, I find it to be a sure sign of poor reviewing skills. But here. Here I'm going to make an exception, because simply explaining the premise of this proposed show is far more entertaining a read than any paltry comments I could hope to come up with. Let me tell you about Heat Vision and Jack. Jack Austin, an renegade astronaut overexposed to the sun's harmful rays while in orbit, does not return to Earth with a bad tan, but rather, a superpower: He is three times smarter than the smartest man on Earth (I'm assuming that excludes himself) whenever it's sunny out. Aided by his old roomate Doug, who was turned into a motorcycle by an experimental raygun, the duo coolly transverse this wide open vista we call America, fighting crime, and longing for the days when they weren't super-smart or a motorcycle (respectively). There are those of you out there that love all that is Jack Black. To you, I highly recommend this bootlegged VCD Shawn got his grubby drummer hands on, because Jack Black is in top Jack Black form. (Well, not this exact one, because it's Shawn's. I'm sure there are others.) All of you D fans, please note that neither Kyle Gass nor Lee make appearances in this lone episode, but Ben Stiller most certainly does, filling the role of producer, pirate-themed strip club DJ, and ego-filled introducer. The aw-gosh-loveable Shanghai Dude himself Owen Wilson is fricking tasty as the voice of Doug/ Heat Vision, while the bike itself harkens back to the days of Sid and Marty Krofft's "Schlep" buggy (You see, the headlight is JUST LIKE HIS EYES.) Ron Silver, best known for his role as one of those actor guys you know you've seen in stuff before but can never remember what you've seen him in, plays himself in HV&J, and he plays it to perfection. He was apparently in Timecop. Sure, okay. I'll make sure I get out to see that one real soon. Josh says the lady that plays the sherriff in this episode is now Ben Stiller's wife. Okay. Score for Ben. Oh, yeah, and the nemesis in this episode is played by that guy from Ghost that was the ugly crazy subway ghost dude. You totally know who I mean. Dude was in One Flew Over The Cukoo's Nest. He plays an ugly crazy dude in like, every movie he's ever been in. Heat Vision and Jack is sort of like Zoolander without all the fashion model jokes, and with - eh... y'know... - Jack Black. It's like Saving Silverman, except it's funny. It's the sort of Knight Rider-meets-BottleRocket project you can really sink your teeth into. If there's a more complex formula for a TV pilot failure, I've never heard of it. A brilliantly stupid concept executed in a sorta very funny manner. - Tom, Aug 20, 2001
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SCENES
FROM HEAT VISION AND JACK:
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AT
A GLANCE: HEAT VISION AND JACK
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NO-SHADOW KICK? Almost, except it's a stripper pole dancing. BEST LINE #1: "Listen, lady. He pushed me over." BEST LINE #2: "Para-gone. Jack, get it? Para-GONE." SOUNDTRACK: A little too authentic for my tastes. Early 80's done to perfection. And I think there's some new Tom Jones stuff in there, too... DOES SHAWN WISH HE COULD RIDE OWEN WILSON? I suspect it to be so. Not me, though. I saw Minus Man and know how creeeeepppy he can be when he wants to lay someone down by the ol' yule log, know what I'm talkin' about? OWN IT? Recommended for consumption. Go troll e-bay for awhile. IF IT WAS A MAD MAGAZINE SATIRE: Heat Vision and Blecchh IF IT WAS REMADE AS A PORN FLICK: Hot Vision and Jackoff SEE ALSO: IAN'S REVIEW OF TENACIOUS D LIVE |
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READER'S COMMENTS: |
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Almost all the music from the first half is from an Album called the K&D Sessions by Kruder & Durfmeister (German Electronic producers/DJs). And there that is defenetely Tom Jones too. - Miguel, Jan 5, 02 I think the same song they use for the theme of that "3rd Watch" show on NBC is the song they used to open "Heat Vision and Jack." - Ian, April 15, 02 That
girl that Ben married that plays the "Sheriff," yeah, that's
Maureen McCormick - AKA Marcia Brady. You gotta remember her! - Steve S, Oct. 8, 02 Actually, to the last comment about Marcia Brady - it's not Maureen McCormick. Maureen McCormick was Marcia in the TV series. This girl was Marcia in the movies - her name is Christine Taylor. She was also Melody on an AWESOME Nickelodeon TV show called "Hey Dude." She was also in "The Craft" and "The Wedding Singer." You're right - she DID marry Ben Stiller, and recently had his baby. - Angela, Dec 19 02 Good call, Angela! I read right past that comment. That idiot Steve doesn't know his ass from his kneecap. I wonder if the new baby was the baby from the end of Zoolander....? I hate that "put my kid in my movie" thing. Remember The Postman? Man, I wish the postman had run over that little turd of a kid. A few less Costners in the world would not harm the entertainment industry in the least. - Tom, No-Shadow Kick Dec 20, 02
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