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The spiritual centerpiece of Jeff Krulik's video collection, this gem, I mean GEM, of a video short is absolutely essential to your sad, twenty-something life. I'm not going to bother telling you what it's about because you'll like it, so go rent it.  As with many artists, the public seems to have latched onto this one particular work Krulik did early on, and has ignored alot of his later stuff (Not quite as funny, but following Ernest Borginine around as he drives 'cross this great country of ours in a tricked-out Winnebago is inspired video-making. Has a Replacements song over the end credits, to boot). Of course, I guess I'm latching along with everyone else, because Heavy Metal Parking Lot does indeed rule. It's really an achievement in the oft-undervalued field of editing. No heavy-handed style, no prodding interviewer questions. Krulik lets these kids look stupid all by their lonesome, and they do a brilliant job of it. The guy in the zebra-pattern jumpsuit (below right), the weird middle-aged guy waiting in line who thinks the camera is Judas Priest and addresses it accordingly, the so-totally gayest man in the whole parking lot declaring his adoration for every member of Judas Priest except Rob Halford, the so-totally gayest band member... Go buy this collection, please. Support this man Krulik.

Other highlights from the collection include the chimpanzee magic of Lancelot Link (lots of bananas - go figure.) Then there's the man who claims heir to the throne as King of Porn. Not to be confused with the hep Police song, King of Porn delves deeply into the life of a very weird creepy man. The Daily Show (Comedy Central) actually did essentially the same piece on the guy just this year, except it noted a few important developments that happened after Krulik's piece. Namely, you see the King of Porn's flaccid white ass in a porno movie. Ah, dreams fulfilled. Also included on this collection are some motherfucking great Public Access outtakes. I mean anybody's Public Access outtakes are usually good, but these are really good. - tom, dec 7 01

www.planetkrulik.com
www.heavymetalparkinglot.net

 AT A GLANCE: HEAVY METAL PARKING LOT

# OF TIMES I LAUGHED: once, the whole way through

MIDGETS? no, but one short Mexican kid wearing a Piece of Mind T-shirt

# OF TIMES KID FLASHES "DEVIL SIGN" AT CAMERA: 666. Conicidence?

SOUNDTRACK: Priest. Nuff said.

WORTH OWNING? yes, especially if you're like us (virtually friendless, pale, know the name of the planet Wookies come from, etc.) and you show off your calculatingly eclectic video collection to visiting dignitaries. Hit 'em with the Heavy Metal Parking Lot - scenes from The Party - Sigmund the Sea Monster hat-trick and they are yours forever. What that accomplishes,we're not sure.

BEST LINE: There is really no bad line in this video short. I'm not fawning, it just makes me weep every goddamned time.

SEE ALSO: AMERICAN MOVIE, RIVER'S EDGE

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