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Okay. So I love this movie. It's a Grade-A fucking tit movie. If you haven't seen it you should see it, if you've seen it you should see it again, if you own it on video you should buy the DVD, and if you have the DVD you should buy your friend the DVD. You should take the mini-poster that comes with the DVD and hang it up in a manly place, like the garage or the gun room or over the toilet. Preferably, the poster should be hung in a manly fashion, somehow utilizing several powertools. Then you should go buy the soundtrack, which is also excellent. Listen to it while you have dominating sex with beautiful buxom women. You may also want to consider purchasing a cowboy hat.

Here are some Fun Facts™ about this movie:

* A Japanese dude named Kurosawa - the lemming that he is - totally stole the idea of this movie and made a much slower movie called "7 Samurais". He was so cheap he didn't even shoot it in color! Another fine example of America's triumph over Japan when it comes to technology and art.

* Some movie executive gathered his staff into a room once and he said to them: "Hey, let's make a cowboy movie starring a bald Swiss/Russian guy, and we'll hire a German dude to play a Mexican dude, too." and the staff said, "Hey, man. What an excellent idea."

* The DVD liner notes erroneously claim Steve McQueen only had 7 lines of dialogue in the entire film. I'm assuming they're referring to our man Flint, but I didn't bother counting.

* Shawn (No-Shadow Kick drummer and guitarist supergehirn) does an excellent Charles Bronson impersonation, provided he doesn't have to say more than three words.

* What's up with Robert Vaughn and those lawyer commercials? He should really leverage the star-power he's earned through such blockbusters as The Magnificent Seven, BASEketball and Joe's Apartment to get his ass into some Radio Shack commercials. (Note: Vanessa Williams prefers to call them "vignettes".)

* The DVD bonus features are pretty cool, giving some insight into the clash of big-name egos on the set. They sort of portray Steve McQueen as a bit of a dick, but that's okay because he's Steve McQueen.

* There's a song on one of the original theatrical trailers that sucks so bad it's almost cool.

- Tom, Nov 20 02

NO-SHADOW KICK? Brad Dexter does some amazing wire work, most noteably his Fire Frog Lotus Stance versus Horst Bucholz's Internal Soul Buddha Palm.

MONKS: The cool old villager dude might as well have been.

PACKAGING: Typical bland airbrushing of old photo with big ornate ugly-ass "Western Masterpieces" logo or whatever the hell it is. I have 3 words for the DVD layout people: "Use Original Artwork". How about four more? "Don't Fucking Touch It".

IF IT WAS REMADE AS A PORN FLICK: Magnificunt Devon

BUY IT? Um yes.

SEE ALSO: Fistful of Dollars, The Wild Bunch, other obviously cool shit.

 READER'S COMMENTS :

IF IT WAS REMADE AS A PORN FLICK?

"Magnificent Semen", you dipshit.

- Shawn, No-Shadow Kick

Oh, fuck. You're so right, dude.

- Tom, No-Shadow Kick

Holy shit, I'm glad you're only joking about Kurosawa...right?

RIGHT?

I mean, I'm not just trying to be slow or something am I (it is only three pm and I HAVE just got up).

- Loretta

How come no one gets my jokes?

- Tom, No-Shadow Kick

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