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IAN:
wanna
write a head-to-head dissection of the Matrix Reloaded?
To start - what a shitty title. Fuck - even "The Matrix Responded"
would be better. (because they did - you have Neo, we have big drills
and lasers, fuckers. tit, meet tat)
And - the beginning needed a well-written crawl or update. How long
has it been since the first?
They could have gotten rid of a lot of that shitty exposition in the
first 45 minutes with a few words on the screen.
TOM:
My
two-word review: "Exceedingly Gay". Hippie/Road Warrior
hybrids dancing at a drum circle intercut with a completely unnecessary
sex scene? Good Christ. There was seven minutes of running time well-spent.
What I really liked about the first Matrix was that it was essentially
a comic book-ish story a 12-year old would think was cool, yet it
was still intelligent enough for an adult. Sure, 12-year olds like
to watch fucking as much as anyone else, but not neccesarily in the
middle of a good action flick. I dunno. Maybe I'm wrong. I thought
it was at the very least poorly placed, but really just needless.
I can't believe how overly-talky this movie was. I don't think "shitty
exposition" really captures it. The oracle blabbin' away....That
French-esque dude in the restaurant? I blanked out after the first
ten minutes of jibber-jabber. By the time the Architect got screentime
I was almost comatose. I think the first movie required a suspension
of disbelief to watch, and it was okay for an hour and a half or whatever.
This movie was just bullshit; trying to explain every little thing...
couldn't even let the cool idea of the werewolf/ghost thing go by
without having the Oracle drop a clue about it for the denser audience
members. Totally a feature film length blunder along the lines of
Lucas trying to explain the Force as being the result of a hormone
imbalance. What was that shit called? Melotonin? Mitochondria? Palomine?
Fucking Stupid?
The fight scenes were retarded. The idea of kung fu being the main
means of attack and defense within a computer program was sort of
a thin-ice idea in the first place. It's pretty much the most ineffective
way to kill someone (compared to , oh you know, weapons) yet the bad
guys - improved designs that they are - never seem to think to grab
a few hand grenades before leaving the office. The fight scenes were
poorly done, pretty computer-y looking, and generally nothing more
than a non-climactic plot break with an obvious outcome.
I liked the highway scene. Dumb but enjoyable.
The Key Dude like, didn't even matter but whatever.
The French guy's wife and the kissing thing? What?
Jada Pinkett? A love triangle that didn't matter?
If the Matrix machines were really evil, they'd be like Pennywise
from IT and they'd appear as Neo's little brother of mother or something
except they'd have pennies for eyes and balloons and Neo'd get all
emotionally distraught and then they'd fucking drag him down into
the sewer down into the Deadlights.
And even the music sort of sucked, too.
IAN:
Well,
shit - you renamed it didn't you: "The Gaytrix: Reloaded".
It does sound like Gay Porn, doesn't it?
Or maybe a soap opera - which is what the first hour of the movie
was. You said it: triangles, sex, drama, gibberish and overacting.
Kinda like Days of our Lives. With kung-fu. sorta. a lot of that was
like watching someone else play a video game.
I don't know - I was disappointed, even though I didn't even have
high expectations. My friend Ty said that to me before I saw it, and
I didn't quite get it. Now, that's clear. I can handle a bad movie
- but what I usually have problems with are movies that had so much
potential and blew it in ways EVEN I can fix. Just basic fucking storytelling.
For instance - In the first film Neo is the audience surrogate. In
this one, it's some new guy with a dumb name who replaced Tommy Chong's
kid who had a dumb name in the first film. Wha? No. The audience is
going to try and connect with Neo - which is okay, because in the
new story Neo is always questioning his own divinity. How do we show
this? Have wooden exposition that lets Keanu say "I have doubts."
How about this: Neo has a dream about his old matrixized life - and
he's happy. He wakes up startled and confused. Keanu is good at startled
and confused. And he doesn't have to talk. See - depth without acting,
and I fucking wrote it. And I'm nobody.
Other mistakes:
1) There's this scene that looks straight out of "Beneath the
Planet of the Apes". Larry Fishburne is chewing up scenery in
a Brando sort of excessiveness. That's cool, until the rave orgy.
For a sec, I questioned whether the movie had switched into a Bacardi
commercial or something shitty on MTV. I got bored fast.
2) Too much Keanu "kicking ass". I thought one of the best
parts about the original was the ensemble focus. Keanu had sturdy
scoffolding to hang on, and it was a nice, diverse cast. Reloaded:
Most of the first hour are 2-shots. 2-people fighting. 2-people screwing.
2 talking heads spouting jargon. Cut left, cut right. And the Agent
Smith scene is just as boring - a non-Neo fighting a shitload of Non-Smiths.
Shit. This movie makes me want to see real people beat each other
up. Like live Boxing.
Good Stuff:
The Keymaker/French Dude/Monica (transparent dress) Bellucci/Freeway
sequence really got me interested.
It was weird and cool and awful and cartoony and impossible - and
impossible not to watch.
I didn't get that the dread guys were Vampires or Werewolves - does
that make me dumb?
(I kinda dazed a little during the Oracle speech - I missed the reference
- I think. I think I remember the Architect saying something.)
There were some nice ideas in there. The keymaker was cool - in that
wacky hong kong comic relief sorta way.
The back door hallway was concept was decent. And the idea of testing
and improving the Matrix is solid as a reinvention of the core ideas
of the story.
THEY NEEDED AN EDITOR.
THE ENDING BLEW Ass.
TYSON:
ok,
let me chime in. You guys covered most of it, but I'd like to expand
upon the fuck scene a little more (being a big fan of both fuck scenes
and fucking in general).
Was it unnecessary? Sure. So why do you include it? SO TYSON CAN SEE
SOME TIT! Damn, that was disappointing. My own personal issues aside,
I wasn't even sure they were fucking. Mostly I saw Neo's shoulder
and back. I had hotter sex when I was 19 with Carrie Goddamn Tancrede.
I was half expecting one of them to say "Is it in yet?"
And then there is the issue of the cuts to the dancing. A good idea
if done right. You start out slow and use the music to build rising
and more phrenetic dancing and fucking to a point of CLIMAX. But as
it stood... I don't know...if I were Trinity I'd probably go hook
up and try to hit it with Agent Smith...or better yet, Agent Smiths.
(he wears black on the outside 'cause he feels black on the inside)
Oddly enough, afterwards I did feel kind of dirty. Not because I was
a voyeur of an intimate act, but because I thought maybe some of those
innocent little Ewoks from the dance scene might have seen something.
By the way, I didn't get the vampire thing either. I'm glad about
that. A lame idea to so poorly include yet another sub-cult. "Hey
kids, we've got computers and kung-fu and cool leather, goth outfits
and now... Vampires!" Fuck off. What do we get in the next movie,
Neo fighting an agent with a Ice Vibratron Chameleon card with a +2
defense against the Undead? Fuck off again.
That's my two cents.
IAN:
I
thought the Keymaker was cool as comic relief - this weird old guy
just skittering about like a bug. I don't understand what he was about
- but he was fun to watch. yeah, Smith is a virus, Keymaker is a Key-Gen
program, metaphor, metaphor. But not terribly well explained in terms
of purpose, I mean. Which is the best I can say about the movie, in
general, I think.
TOM:
I
thought it was funny that they showed the preview for the new Terminator
before The Matrix. Robots controlling the human race in the future?
Why, that's PREPOSTEROUS!
NOT
IN RESPONSE TO THE MOVIE, BUT RATHER, IN RESPONSE TO THE MOVIE'S RESPONSES:
I
totally didn't think the "Kiss me, Neo" chick was that hot
at all. There's hard-ons all over the internet over that lady. Did
she have a transparent dress? I don't normally miss something like
that. There's alot of people who aren't digging the vampire/ghost/werewolf
thing. I think it's a potentially great concept that was just
sort of lamely played off. The ghosts were okay - except their existence
begged the question: If they're so hard to defeat, why don't Agents
adopt the disappearing ability, too? There's theories on messageboards
across this great land that the whole Zion/underground thing is really
a Matrix within the Matrix. Some people think it's cheesy, but I like
the concept. I think it'd be great if the end of the third movie has
Mr. Anderson coming out of an isolation booth in an arcade at a mall
in the year 2012. As the next person in line pushes him out of the
way to play "The Matrix", he will look dazed and say "whoa".
SHAWN:
Dear
Ass Clown,
You
misspelled "necessarily". A little spell-check would kill
you?
I
like watching people play video games, so perhaps I will like this
Matrix: Reloaded.
-Shawn
TOM:
Dude,
spell-check is just an illusion put in place by The Machines to control
our thoughts and actions. You're just another one of spell-check's
fucking blind-follower pawns. And it makes me sick.
SHAWN:
Or
maybe that's just what the agents WANT you to think!
-Shawn
P.S.
Katy's coming to visit tomorrow and we're thinking of going canoeing.
Will you be around if we need to come pick up the canoe and gear?
TOM:
Yeah,
sure. Just call first to make sure I'm around.
MATT:
I
also made the knowing mistake of seeing the new Matrix. I was going
to take pride in avoiding it, but being as crappy and rainy as it
was we went. I have to say that I have never been so bored by wildly
choreographed kung fu in my life. Something they do bleeds all the
fun out of it. Maybe because it feels so self-referentially cool.
Of course, the Kill Bill trailer I saw is only worse in this regard.
It feels like a mix tape you might have made in highschool if you
were trying to impress a friend or a girl on how cool you were by
collecting obscure tracks. Except he collects scenes, characters,
and actors from films we've seen before. However, I did watch a low-res
copy of 28 days later and thougth it was pretty rad.
not
to drag this out, but the god-thing of the matrix was indeed the goofiest
part about the new matrix. i had compared it to luke not knowing how
to turn on his lightsaber at the begining of jedi. where did all his
training with yoda go?
I'd
like to say i'd be right there with you, avoiding ep. 3. but i know
i'll cave. just like i never leave a theater during a really bad movie,
say, that kevin sorbo kull movie, cuz i've paid and feel like i've
already absorbed the dissapointment --i feel like i've gone too far
to not see the last third of the new trilogy.
TOM:
Don't
do it, man.
SHAWN:
I
saw Matrix Reloaded yesterday and I'm sure you're dying to know what
I think of it.
THE
NEEDLESS RAVE/SEX SCENE:
Yes, it was silly and pointless and went on too long. But somehow
it didn't bother me as much as it seems to have bothered a lot of
other people.
THE
FIGHTING:
Honestly, I think it was on a par with the first movie: decent enough,
but nothing to write home about if you've seen a few good martial
arts flicks. It still impressed me in terms of being a Hollywood film
with well-choreographed fighting, enhanced by Hollywood production
values and special effects, and at the very least not ruined by bad
cinematography and/or editing. The digital stuff did get overbearing
in spots -- especially fighting the 1000 Will Smiths. It actually
looked somewhat believable to start, but once Nemo rips the pole out
of the ground... well.... it's like they didn't even try.
Kung
Fu being the major mode of combat in the Matrix doesn't bug me. It
goes along with all the other silly things you have to buy into to
watch these movies. Human beings as batteries? Horribly inefficient.
Never happen. So fucking what? It's a neat idea for a movie, and kung
fu is neat too. Neither of these movies has any deeper meaning or
coherence than throwing neat shit up on the screen -- why pretend
they do?
THE
CAR CHASE:
This just did nothing for me. Nothing. And I love a good car chase.
And this one was so obviously well-conceived, and by all rights it
should have been very exciting. Except it was just so fucking fake.
And I'm not saying it *looked* fake, cuz for the most part it *didn't*
look fake. But you and I and everyone with a brainstem *knows* that
all the coolest shit in it was totally fake. I can "suspend disbelief"
for a lot of other things in movies, but man -- when it comes down
to the car chase, the thrill is just not there for me unless I honestly
believe some stunt drivers put their talent and their asses on the
line and pulled off some crazy shit for my entertainment. As it is
now, I really don't see how a new movie will ever be able to impress
me with a car chase unless I've been convinced beforehand that the
stunts are real -- otherwise some part of me will always be saying
"yeah, looks cool, but it's just a bunch of computers".
And
really, this brings up some interesting questions about movie-making
as an art. Obviously there's so much fakery involved in making a movie
that we just accept as real. From the filmmaker's perspective, what's
the difference between putting something *real* and something *fake*
onscreen as long as they *look* equally believable? I'm really not
sure there is a difference -- it's all illusion on some level. But
as the audience, I just know I feel a greater sense of excitement
and connection to a car chase or a fight scene or other act of physical
bravura when I believe there's a real person doing it. Doesn't matter
if it's a movie star or a stunt guy in a wig or whatever -- just the
fact that there's a real person able to pull off such coolness is
what gets me off.
ALL
THE GOD-DAMN TALKING:
Yeah, it's exposition-heavy. But so was the first one. The oracle
didn't bother me. Even the prissy french dude didn't bother me. Mostly
because they called him "The Merovingian" -- which is just
another throw away reference in the Wachowskis' religio-mythological
stew, but it's a reference I felt "in the know" on, having
read Legend of The Holy Lance (see Tom's review). And that made me
feel superior to the other whack-offs in the audience.
But,
yeah, the architect really brought the thing to a dead standstill.
Not only did I not quite understand half of what he was saying, but
really... I couldn't give a shit. I'm all for high concept when it's
painted in broad strokes, but when it gets so bogged down in ridiculous
convolutions that some doofy egghead has to chew up ten minutes of
screen time (I don't know how long it was, but it felt like forever)
explaining things.... I don't know. Plot machinations shouldn't get
in the way of story flow. In a movie, it's better to show than to
tell. I can't help but think that if your ideas are so clever that
it takes 10 minutes to explain them, maybe you should be writing a
book instead.
THE
ENDING:
Wicked retarded. But sorta funny.
FINAL
THOUGHTS:
Looking at what I've written so far, it's half nit-picky and half
apologist. But you know what? I kind of liked the movie. I didn't
come out thinking I didn't get my money's worth (well, more than any
other movie), and I didn't experience a noticeable drop in quality/enjoyment
from the first. I think expectations have a lot to do with that. I
went into the first Matrix hearing about how great it was, and I came
out thinking it was entertaining but not all that. I went into the
sequel hearing about what crap it was, and I came out thinking it
was entertaining and not all that bad.
TOM:
oh,
yeah? well I think you're gay.
SHAWN:
What
gave it away?
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